July 15th

Is the day that Bea starts day care. (sniff, sniff) We (me, Izak, Mom and Bea) interviewed the lady and her facilities yesterday and sure it's not as clean as I hoped it would be. But she helped take care of my brother and she's so close to where I work and her price is good. (Well, I don't really know that for sure, but I'm taking other people's word on it.) She has a slot open. I can't pass that up right? We can always try it out and see. I think there is like a two week 'probation' period. When we got there Bea started to cry. But I mainly think it was because a. she had been woken up from her nap, and b. it was relatively noisy in there and I'm sure she didn't know what to think. (Plus she was ready to eat again.) Once she calmed down the girls there were really nice to her. And I mean the little girls. They let her play with their things and they let her join their little tea party. I asked all the questions I could think of and of course I have more now. Someone said to go with you 'mother's intuition' but I don't think I can. I really just don't want her to go period. Ever. So of course I would love to say, 'thanks, but no thanks.' But I do have to work. Things are slow now but come the fall they will pick up like they always do. I know that this is just another step in her life that she (and I have to take.) Like letting her sleep in her own room in her crib. I didn't want to do that either. I just want to keep her little and with me forever. And we all no that is not possible. So I just have to do it. You know. I know that if something stuck out to me that was REALLY bad or whatever at the daycare then I wouldn't have a problem not putting her there. But maybe that is the problem? That nothing jumped out at me to make it seem like that it's not the place for her. Does that make any sense?? So we'll see how it goes. I'll probably be crying all day that day. Maybe I'll just let her go for a half day that week... I don't know. I guess it's better to just wait and see.... I cried a little on the way home, after the interview. I guess I'm going to end up just like my mom, always crying at 'special' events or days in my daughter's life. And my daughter will go through phases where she'll say, 'Mom! Don't cry it's so embarrassing!' to 'Mom, stop crying or you'll make me cry.' :*)